I’m not talking sister wives, but after only 9 years of marriage I have accepted a truth in life: marriage takes three –a husband, a wife and the God who came up with the idea.

I like the way Paul Tripp addresses this need in his book “What Did You Expect?” He says, “At some point you will be selfish. In some situation you will speak unkindly. There will be moments of jealousy, bitterness, and conflict. You will not avoid this, because you are a sinner and you are married to a sinner.” And just as I needed God to redeem me as an individual and lead me in my single life, so do I need Him all the more to continue to sanctify me as I journey with my husband through life.

Example: When I married Madison, I saw myself as a willingly submissive wife who respected her husband. And then my husband had the nerve to point out when I disrespected him. The conversation went something like this: “You disrespected me when you…” “But that wasn’t my intention.” “I’m sure it wasn’t. Nevertheless, you disrespected me.” “But I wasn’t trying to.” “Yes, I know you weren’t trying to but you did disrespect me.” “No, you just need to stop feeling disrespected.” “ummm, now you are telling me how to feel?”

Sand paper, people! Refining –burning off of the impurities from my life, but please don’t use my fairy tale and my Prince Charming to do so! Uuugh. It was humiliating. It was painful to hear. And it was true. In my independence, I said what was on my mind whether it was beneficial or not. If I didn’t like the way a situation was being played out, I tried to take control. I wasn’t loving my husband. I wasn’t trusting him to lead me. I wasn’t trusting God to lead my husband. I was trusting myself, loving myself and it wasn’t good. It may feel good and right at the time, but I was walking into a lose/lose/lose situation; cheating myself by trying to be something I wasn’t supposed to be, cheating my husband by not letting him be who he is supposed to be and robbing us both from the joy found in marriage when God is trusted to lead the way.

We see it played out in Genesis 3. Eve listening to the wrong voice (another created being telling her half truths about the Creator). That serpent’s voice leading her to distrust God and take charge of her destiny. She’s missing out. God’s keeping something from her, holding her back. And then, where God had been the one declaring what was good in Genesis 1, here Eve takes over and begins deciding what is “good” for her. She eats. She leads Adam to eat. And so sin enters the world. And the sinful struggle continues in my marriage.

But I am grateful to God that I don’t have to listen to other voices telling me something alternative to the Creator. I have a choice, a freedom to follow Him. God gives me great advice from His Word. Here are a few of my favorites:

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

James 1:19-20 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Ephesians 4:2 & 32 ” Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 5:21-29 “²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—“

1 John 3:16 “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

They all find application in my marriage.  Neither my husband nor I get it right all the time.  We are sinners married to each other, but we pray for God’s help in loving each other like He loves us.  We seek to obey His guidance for our marriage.  And we see Him sanctifying our marriage as He sanctifies us individually.

There is freedom doing marriage God’s way. He knows what He’s talking about. He invented the idea!

Psalm 119:45 “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.”