Accountability. Sometimes this word is used when calling on an individual or group to be held responsible for certain actions or inactions that have brought about a negative consequence. But personal accountability looks slightly different. It is the need to invite others into one’s life to give accountability in areas of growth.

Accountability is a needed part of spiritual growth as a Christian and, really, anyone’s personal growth, but I must confess that I’ve had my ups and downs with giving and receiving it.

Some of my experiences went something like this: “Hey friend, I have this sin I’m struggling with. You mentioned struggling with something. Why don’t we get together every week and hold each other accountable for doing what we need to do?” We met, asked how things are going, encouraged each other to do better, prayed for each other, and met again the next week. 

A lot of the time there was not much thought put into it. Honestly, I think I hoped simply praying with a friend would supernaturally change me, but I found that accountability doesn’t work that way.

Recently I began thinking about accountability again. I have been running more lately and have decided to train for a few races. On a recent run I asked my husband to join me to improve my pace—it didn’t go well! This experience led me to reflect on accountability in general. In sorting through my own experiences, I have come up with some necessary and important aspects for productive accountability.

Find the right person. Asking the right person to serve as your accountability partner can make or break the journey. You need an accountability partner whom you respect and trust, and ideally, someone who is a part of your daily or weekly life. 

As a teenager, I trusted my mom to love me unconditionally and give me solid counsel; for years she was my #1 confidant. Now it’s my husband. He lives with me and sees my good, bad, and ugly. He wants the best for me, so I share my struggles and he helps me to overcome. 

I care about my teenage sons becoming God-loving and honorable men. My husband and I want to model how to do that to the best of our ability. Over a year ago at Christmas we all agreed to use the YouVersion Bible app to read through the Bible together. From day to day, we could see a check mark by each name to see who completed their reading. There was a place to add questions or comment. We all had days that we got behind, but we were in it together, reminding each other to get back on track. At the end of the year the four of us accomplished reading through the Bible together. We celebrated and chose another plan for this year. 

If you are going to ask someone to hold you accountable, put some thought into it. Choose someone who you trust and respect, who seems to live out the virtues you seek. Secondly, choose someone who is in your life and sees you on a regular basis, so that they can actually hold you responsible for your actions.

Define your terms and expectations. You and your accountability partner need to be on the same page when it comes to what you both mean by accountability and what you both expect out of this relationship. Some people are asking for non-intrusive encouragement—Bible verses and other resources that may help them. Some want straight forward, intrusive questioning coupled with encouragements and resources. Some people need their partner to accept late night calls for help or be willing for more time-consuming accountability such as attending counseling or AA type meetings with them.

I think, when I was younger, if I had a conversation with my accountability partner about accountability expectations I could have grown more. We would have made more beneficial plans, and accountability overall would have been more effective.

Continue to communicate. Continued communication with your accountability partner is key. After your first couple of meetings, reflect on what is working and what needs to be tweaked. Then talk to your accountability partner about it. Work together to figure out if your plan is effective. If there are problems, try to pinpoint the problem and what needs to change. 

I mentioned earlier that I asked my husband for help in improving my running pace, so he did. Before the run he asked how fast was too fast and how slow was too slow. He planned to let me know when I was outside those parameters. As we ran, I was constantly slowing down and speeding up and outside of those parameters, so he let me know. At the end of the run, I was irritated! I thought to myself, “This was a bad idea. I should just run by myself.” BUT I decided to talk to him about the run. It was tense. He said he only did what I asked of him. That was a true statement. We discussed what was frustrating to me, made some adjustments to the plan, and tried running together again. It worked! The original goal was the same, but how he approached helping me was adjusted and I adjusted my attitude to receive his help. We are still running together. I am improving my pace. The plan just needed to be tweaked. 

Acknowledge your own insecurities. Accountability is uncomfortable. Remember, you are inviting someone into your life to hold you responsible for your actions that don’t align with your goals and hold you to actions that do. The nature of the accountability relationship is based on vulnerability and admitting need. So, it is likely you will struggle with pridefulness puffing up to protect you after you have admitted weakness. It is also likely that fear may arise because you’ve risked being vulnerable. It is tempting to back off from the relationship and run. But don’t. Instead, try confronting you’re pride and insecurities. Try telling your accountability partner that you are struggling with insecurities. Don’t let these fears short-circuit overcoming a sin or achieving your goals.

As I mentioned earlier, after running with my husband, I wanted to quit running with him. I didn’t realize how inconsistent my pace was, and how much I slowed down; it was embarrassing. It was also my dear husband pointing it out! But then, I asked him to! I had invited him in, yet I didn’t like it. I had to acknowledge my insecurities, talk to him, and figure out how to make it work.

Take and Give. Accountability is reciprocal. It’s a two-way investment of time and care. If you are seeking accountability and view the other person as the helper or mentor of the relationship, don’t expect them to do all the work of checking in or scheduling to get together. Instead, take the initiative to call them to plan. Text them an encouraging verse. Ask how you can pray for them. Your needs may be different from theirs, but your accountability partner needs prayer and encouragement too.

I’ve been in a couple of accountability relationships where I was the mentor reaching out to check on and encourage the mentee. It was always refreshing for them to ask, “So what’s going on in your life? You are always encouraging me and praying for me. How can I pray for you?” I’ve also had them text me an encouraging Bible verse that was exactly what I needed that day. It’s a give and take relationship.

Accountability is important. Don’t under-think it. If the goal you seek to achieve or the sin you seek to overcome is worth it, seek out the right person, define accountability and expectations, continue to communicate throughout the relationship, acknowledge your insecurities and push forward, and remember, it is a give and take relationship. The accountability relationship has the potential to be one of the most valuable investments of your life.

Scriptures that came to mind as I thought about accountability:

⁹ Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. ¹⁰ For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive. (Proverbs 27:6)

²⁴ And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

²⁹ Jesus answered, “The most important is Listen, Israel! The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. ³¹ The second is, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31)

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, ²⁰ for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. (James 1:19-20)

Sometimes we know the investment of time we are putting into our relationship with God is lacking, but we just don’t know how to beef if up. We recognize that, although we are solidly Christian, our walk with our Savior is not flourishing.  Here are a few steps to position yourself to hear from God, so that you can better know him.

Step 1—Take Time to be Still and Quiet

No screens. No projects. No people. Just you in a quiet place.

Ideally, we should take time everyday for prayer and Bible reading, maybe 30 minutes to an hour. However, don’t make this legalistic. Set achievable goals and grow from there.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

The above verse states two major ideas—First, rather than busy yourself, you need to take time to be still, think, reflect, listen.  Second, you need to know that God is God and you are not. He sees the entire picture; He knows what you do not.  What should naturally follow these two ideas is trust and obedience as he speaks truth to you from his Word.

Step 2—Pray to Ready Yourself

As you begin, ask God to give you ears to hear and eyes to see truth. Ask God to help you be honest with yourself. The prayer can be short and sweet! You can even pray the scriptures below:

“Search me, God, and know my thoughts; Test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23–24)

“You desire integrity in the inner self.” (Psalm 51:6)

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10)

Step 3—Take Time to Read the Bible

You can choose to read a few chapters or you can choose to read for a set amount of time. I would suggest a chapter in Psalms and a couple of chapters in another book.  You can read through a shorter book multiple times for a month until you practically have it memorized (like James or Ephesians). Or you can read longer book a couple of times a month (like Matthew where you get Jesus’s own sermons in chapters 5-7).

You need to know God. He has chosen to reveal himself through the Bible. He speaks truth to us through the Bible … truth about Him, and truth about you. As you read the Bible, the Bible reads you!

“Sanctify them in your truth; Your word is truth.” (John 17:17)

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  (Hebrews 4:12)

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  (2 Timothy 3:16–17)

Step 4—Reflect

Ask yourself, “What is one thing that comes to mind as I read? Could God be trying to tell me something from His Word?”  Journal it on paper, a tablet, or smart phone.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:10–11)

Step 5—Pray again

If time allows, have a significant prayer time. “ACTS” is a helpful acronym to help cover everything in prayer.

A —Adore God for who He is. 

Example—“God, I worship you because You are my creator. You are love. You know all things and I praise you that I get to know you.”

“Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” (Psalm 150:6)

C—Confess your sins to God. 

Example—“Forgive me God. I lost my temper with … I was selfish … My pride got hurt when… Please forgive and change me. Show me sins I don’t even recognize as sin in my life.”

“Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. Moreover, keep your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule me.”  (Psalm 19:12–13)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:9-10)

T—Thank God for what he is doing and has done for you. 

Example—“Thank you for providing for our family. God, thank you for helping sort out … Thank you for your Word and showing me that verse.”

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his faithful love endures forever.” (1 Chronicles 16:34)

S—Say what you need. These are your prayer requests for yourself and others.

“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6–7)

Step 5.5 – Be Still

Before you end your prayer time, just stay at prayer, but don’t say anything. Just be still. Be still and give God an opportunity to bring thoughts to your mind that are needful and true.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:26–28)

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:1–2)

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:1–3) 

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8–9)

Step 6—Put Your Faith into Action with Those Who Matter Most

Ask yourself, “Am I living out God’s Word towards my spouse? Towards my children?” 

Sometimes the hardest obedience is putting those Bible verse to action within our family. Yet it is one of the most transformative steps of obedience you can do—obeying God’s Word daily in the little things.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” (James 1:22)

(Basic scriptures to live out daily)                                                                                             “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

(If you are looking for a more in-depth plan to study your Bible that doesn’t require lots of extra stuff, I recommend reading or listening to Jen Wilkin’s book, Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds. She gives a basic plan, then uses a study to walk you through an example of how to do it.)

My husband and I are DIYers! We do our lawn care, spray for insects, repair our broken appliances, and after a year of looking at living room furniture to replace our 13 year old mis-matched furniture, we decided we could pay less and have a solid piece of hardwood furniture to our exact specifications if we just built it ourselves. So we went to work on our coffee table!

I designed it. Madison built it. I figured we had most of the tools, and if we took advantage of free weekends and evenings, I could have my coffee table in a month or so. I had my coffee table … in just under a year! It turns out, forming rough boards into a beautifully smooth coffee table takes more tools than I knew existed, more processes than I fathomed, and much more time. But the end product is beautiful. Whenever people come over and admire it, I proudly announce that Madison built it. It was a labor of love.

There is another labor of love I enjoy that takes more tools, processes, and time than I ever imagined—my relationship with God. Transforming a head strong, selfish, undisciplined sinner like me into Christlikeness takes a lifetime and a strong, loving, patient God.

I didn’t realize how rough I was, nor did I comprehend that God wasn’t just going to wave a magic wand over me and perfect me instantly. All of my life He has been leveling me with truth, straightening me out with truth, sanding me with truth, and oiling and smoothing me with truth.

After thirty-seven years of knowing God, I’ve figured out what does NOT work: I can’t just memorize certain Bible verses and say them out loud like a magical chant to ward off tempestuous sins. I can’t do enough good deeds to make it onto Santa God’s nice list, so that He will answer my prayers, changing me in the manner and timing I desire. I can’t even do a focused study on a Fruit of the Spirit per month for nine months, pray for it to be evident in my life each month for nine months, and after nine months perfectly embody love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Becoming like Christ doesn’t seem to work that way.

How does God sanctify me, making me like Christ? My metamorphosis is occurring as I take in truth from the Bible and experience with His Spirit and His Body, the Church. He uses hundreds of sermons and Bible verses, marinating in my mind for weeks, months, sometimes years, and as I am awakened to those truths and their absence in my life, the daily work of obediently living them out begins. As some have said, “I’ve read many books, but the Bible reads me.” Bible verses memorized, Scriptures studied, church communities invested in, all of my living, loving, and doing with God, His Word, and His people have been used over long periods of time to change me—and the work continues until the day I die.

So, loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength doesn’t happen when I memorize Mark 12:30, frame it, and hang it on my wall. No, that may be the beginning. Learning and living Mark 12:30 takes years of praying for God to help me love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. It’s years of asking, “What does it mean to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?” It’s years of watching other Christians and thinking, “They kind of look like they are loving God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.” It’s living through periods of sorrow and joy, discovering that He sustains me, and is worthy of all my love.

Learned patience on the outside may look like a mom who maintains a smile on her face and does not lose her temper when her four year old turns a 20 minute grocery run into a 100 minute grocery store torture. But on the inside, patience is a mom who has learned how to be less selfish, how to prioritize people above things and schedules, and how to be still and know that God is God over a tired up-tight mom in the midst of chaos.

God doesn’t settle for surface behavior modification; He gets to the heart of my issues, begins changing me there, and then the Christlike behavior follows authentically—from the inside out. So, immerse yourself daily in the truth found in God’s Word. Listen and live out what you are reading, and be patient. You may not always recognize it, but God will be at work transforming you.

Scriptures that have shaped me in this area along the way:
Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. (John 17:17)

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

Therefore, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, so now, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who is working in you both to will and to work according to his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world, by holding firm to the word of life. (Philippians 2:12-16)

Jesus answered, “The most important is Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things. (Galatians 5:22-23)

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:3-8)